[Either way, it does force Legato to decide if he really wants to pursue this further or not. It would be easier--and probably safer--to drop it. But he can't imagine any other time when it would ever be suitable to ask, and he has already put himself out this far...
He needs to know.]
You had said the little creature that had invaded this place couldn't hurt you, because it didn't compare to what you've done to yourself.
[Knives is quiet for a moment. He simply looks at Legato as he considers what to say next. Finally, when he does speak, his voice is low.]
When I was young, after my brother and I discovered the horrors that humanity inflicted on our siblings, both he and I turned to self-harm. He starved himself to the point of a coma. I discovered how sharp I could make my flesh.
[He changes his fingers then, forming them into a type of blade and then moves closer to Legato. He holds out the hand that isn't transformed.]
[Legato listens with quiet, rapt attention as Knives speaks, and he doesn't hesitate for a moment to hold out his hand--the human one--when instructed.
He remembers very clearly what those blades can do. The cleanly-divided pieces of his captors lying all around him, even the feel of one of those blades cutting the flesh of his neck with barely a touch, is still bright in his memory.]
[He doesn't quite realize exactly how much he is expecting to be cut until it doesn't happen, and it laces the threat with with an even sharper bit of adrenaline.]
Why? [The question leaves him before he can think about it. He knows why he has his own self-destructive impulses, he remembers the sorts of things he'd done in the deepest pits of his own loathing, but he still can't fathom Knives wanting to hurt anything but humanity.]
[There's that crushing feeling in his chest that he has been feeling more and more often lately. It guts him to hear all this. Some part of him wishes the blades were cutting skin, just to bring the ache he feels to the surface and let it out.
Again, the words that leave him don't have thought or planning behind them, uttered softly on impulse.]
Hn. [It's a sound of agreement, but Knives doesn't seem to want to say anything in response. Instead, he raises Legato's hand and puts the wound to his mouth to lick up the blood.]
[It's such a small, strange gesture, but it quietly throws Legato into conflict. It's pointless and probably meaningless, but unexpectedly intimate, and Legato can't help but think of the various creatures that have intentionally fed on his blood. Various things that remind him that his body is not his own. And he'll gladly let Knives do whatever he wants with it.
[There is the perhaps expected, telling pause where he's caught. It's another one of those things that he has a hard time fathoming, let along considering... especially as he hasn't exactly had experience ever sharing a bed willingly, even here.
Not that the idea isn't desperately tempting in some pathetic corner of his heart.]
[He could get into the particulars of that, about how it's often Knives' entire goal to put Legato in harm's way, or about how he usually expects Legato to handle his problems on his own, but he assumes that Knives specifically means in this instance, while Legato is sleeping, so...]
It's... interesting. That you can feel that with me, isn't it?
After all, for many years my goal for you was to have you die.
But... when harm does come your way I will it to be because I made it so. I do not want you to sacrifice your health needlessly.
Once we have control of our lives here, those responsible for harming you will be punished. In the meantime, I want to do what I can to ensure that you can rest peacefully with that certainty.
[There are so many things about Knives' reassurance that would be deeply alarming to any sane person with a functioning sense of self-preservation. And since Legato is none of those things, he finds himself finding some warped comfort in everything that Knives is saying.
Besides, by the way Knives talks about some sort of future, it makes it seem as though he's more willing to go along with Legato's vision for the city. Even if it isn't true, it makes it seem like Knives is more accepting of his own life continuing on, and Legato latches onto that.]
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chiming
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Date: 2020-02-04 03:03 am (UTC)From:He needs to know.]
You had said the little creature that had invaded this place couldn't hurt you, because it didn't compare to what you've done to yourself.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 03:12 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 03:48 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 05:54 am (UTC)From:When I was young, after my brother and I discovered the horrors that humanity inflicted on our siblings, both he and I turned to self-harm. He starved himself to the point of a coma. I discovered how sharp I could make my flesh.
[He changes his fingers then, forming them into a type of blade and then moves closer to Legato. He holds out the hand that isn't transformed.]
Give me your hand.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 06:31 am (UTC)From:He remembers very clearly what those blades can do. The cleanly-divided pieces of his captors lying all around him, even the feel of one of those blades cutting the flesh of his neck with barely a touch, is still bright in his memory.]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 06:38 am (UTC)From:I was the first person I wounded with one of these things.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 06:51 am (UTC)From:Why? [The question leaves him before he can think about it. He knows why he has his own self-destructive impulses, he remembers the sorts of things he'd done in the deepest pits of his own loathing, but he still can't fathom Knives wanting to hurt anything but humanity.]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 07:06 am (UTC)From:Once upon a time, I was a boy who thought humans were worthwhile. When I realized that was wrong, everything felt wrong. It was devasting.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 07:17 am (UTC)From:Again, the words that leave him don't have thought or planning behind them, uttered softly on impulse.]
You shouldn't have had to suffer like that.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 07:42 am (UTC)From:My suffering is nothing compared to my sister's suffering.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 08:11 am (UTC)From:It isn't fair to any of you.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 08:15 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 07:47 am (UTC)From:He doesn't say anything either.]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 07:55 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 08:06 am (UTC)From:[He still might not be able to sleep, but at least it won't be because of nightmares.]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 08:18 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 08:27 am (UTC)From:Not that the idea isn't desperately tempting in some pathetic corner of his heart.]
...I wouldn't want to intrude.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 08:27 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 08:31 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 10:00 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-05 05:29 pm (UTC)From:That is what I have heard.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-06 03:10 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-02-06 03:15 am (UTC)From:...Yes.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-06 03:22 am (UTC)From:It's... interesting. That you can feel that with me, isn't it?
After all, for many years my goal for you was to have you die.
But... when harm does come your way I will it to be because I made it so. I do not want you to sacrifice your health needlessly.
Once we have control of our lives here, those responsible for harming you will be punished. In the meantime, I want to do what I can to ensure that you can rest peacefully with that certainty.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-06 04:25 am (UTC)From:Besides, by the way Knives talks about some sort of future, it makes it seem as though he's more willing to go along with Legato's vision for the city. Even if it isn't true, it makes it seem like Knives is more accepting of his own life continuing on, and Legato latches onto that.]
Thank you. It's more than I deserve.
(no subject)
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