IC Contact for duplicity

[arkfall]

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[arkfall]

I chose to disappear. I wanted it. Having this body... [He clenches his fists and looks at them with a vague sense of disgust.]

It's torture.

[endthem]

[Legato is quiet for a moment, watching him with a carefully guarded expression.]

...You can't mean that.

[arkfall]

[He sighs deeply and then considers Legato again.]

Do you mean that you can't imagine the version of me from your home thinking such a thing, or that hearing me say it at all hurts you?

[endthem]

[He glances over to meet Knives' eyes only briefly before looking at the table. The fact that it takes him long seconds to come up with an answer to say makes it clear that the answer he's trying to avoid is 'both.']

You spent so many years recovering. You had so much you wanted to do... [It's impossible for him to fathom Knives wanting to disappear after that.]

[arkfall]

And I lost.

What is the point of continuing when all of that planning was for nothing?

[endthem]

You're alive. Right now.

[He can't help the sudden, quiet urgency in his voice then.] It wasn't for nothing, because whatever we did or did not do before, we are here now. We can build what you'd wanted here.

[arkfall]

Here? How many of my siblings are here, exactly?

[endthem]

[...Legato shuts his mouth at that. He tightens his jaw, both stubbornly not wanting to step down from his point, and not wanting to mention the one thing that even has a hope of helping him keep it.]

You have Vash.

[arkfall]

Yes. I suppose I do.

Do you think that's enough?

[endthem]

[He doesn't dare mention the other foolish things in his head right then.]

Is it not?

[arkfall]

It hasn't been yet. It's very rare that I'm not consciously aware of my skin. It feels like a vice, trapping me in place.

[endthem]

Always? Surely there must be something we can try to help that feeling...

[arkfall]

There is... [He says carefully and then just sort of looks at Legato to let the implication hang between them.

As much as he hated the quota, at least it gave him a reprieve.]

[endthem]

[And there it is--that stupid, hopeful glimmer inside of him that will never go away, no matter how hard he tries to kill it. He seizes onto the unspoken statement between them with everything he has.

At the very least, even if everything changes, even if his own purpose becomes so muddled and diluted that he loses track of it entirely, Knives will still need him in this.

It's a desperate, sad sort of relief, but he needs Knives to need him.]

I've already offered you all that I have and all that I am, but if there is anything more I can give to improve your existence, please take it.

[arkfall]

I will.

[It's not even a question in his mind.]

It has been...

Helpful. That you're here. I was terrible at doing what they required before that.

[endthem]

[It's hard to know what to say to that, especially over the crushing feeling in his chest.]

This isn't... a role I'd ever expected to serve. [--For many obvious reasons.] But if it can bring you any amount of relief, then I suppose I do have something to be grateful to this prison for.

[arkfall]

[He isn't sure he would ever have done such a thing with the version of Legato from his home. This one, though, he feels so different.]

Then we both should ensure we stay healthy and whole while the quota still stands.

[endthem]

[That comment reminds Legato of something that has been rattling around in his head for days now. It had seemed like something he shouldn't concern himself with, but especially after some of the things Knives has just said, he can't get it out of his mind.]

...May I ask you something?

[arkfall]

You may. [He responds with the tone that implies that he may not answer depending on what the question is.]

[endthem]

Recently, you'd made mention of having done something to yourself before... what did you mean by that?

[He doesn't want to have to mention that it had been while they were chasing the elf that they'd all rather forget, but he has a feeling that Knives will know what he's talking about anyway.]

[arkfall]

I'm not sure I know what you mean. [His voice is carefully guarded, so it's not sure if he actually doesn't know what Legato is referring to or if he doesn't want to answer.]

[endthem]

[Either way, it does force Legato to decide if he really wants to pursue this further or not. It would be easier--and probably safer--to drop it. But he can't imagine any other time when it would ever be suitable to ask, and he has already put himself out this far...

He needs to know.]

You had said the little creature that had invaded this place couldn't hurt you, because it didn't compare to what you've done to yourself.

[arkfall]

Yes, that's true. I did say that.

[endthem]

...Are you not going to tell me what you'd meant by it?

[arkfall]

[Knives is quiet for a moment. He simply looks at Legato as he considers what to say next. Finally, when he does speak, his voice is low.]

When I was young, after my brother and I discovered the horrors that humanity inflicted on our siblings, both he and I turned to self-harm. He starved himself to the point of a coma. I discovered how sharp I could make my flesh.

[He changes his fingers then, forming them into a type of blade and then moves closer to Legato. He holds out the hand that isn't transformed.]

Give me your hand.