arkfall | IC Contact for duplicity

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What do you mean it doesn't matter? You told me you changed, Knives! That you were a different person! Was it really all just a lie!?

[Knives breathes in to stop himself from yelling.]

No. It's not a lie. I have changed.

And I hate it. This would be so much easier if I could kill everyone.

Knives... you-- you... [He's angry. Angry and upset. He feels played. Lied to. The voices of everyone telling him not to trust Knives ecchoing in his head. He should have listened to them.] You bastard. How could you? How could you!?

[Knives doesn't like how he feels watching Vash so upset. It used to be annoying and frustrating, but now it makes his chest ache uncomfortably.

He almost thinks he should apologize, but that wouldn't do anything to change what happened. He also hates that Vash would make him feel that way over taking out rapists. He crosses his arms over his chest and grips onto them tightly.]

How could they? [He counters instead of admitting the mixed feelings in his chest.]

Because this is the system that they live and grew up in! We need to fix that first! It's a terrible system that needs to be changed. Killing people isn't how we're going to get that done!

Sometimes, when the roots of a tree are so rotted it cannot be healed the only thing to do is destroy it and plant a new tree.

Even if that tree was one of our sisters? Or me? Is that really how you feel? You should never give up on someone. They can always change. [Otherwise he would have given up on his brother long ago.]

[Knives's brow narrows as Vash calls him out on that hypocrisy. He doesn't have an answer.

He remembers thinking that Vash was too far gone to heal and attempting to absorb him instead, but that logic seems so faulty and broken now.]

I don't know what I'm angrier about. The fact that you killed those people or that you lied to me about it. You said that you weren't contracting with me to make sure you were doing it for the right reasons and to focus on helping Legato become a better person. Was any of that real? [Not that Vash is sure he will believe it even if Knives says some of it was true.]

Some of it, yes.

Why couldn't it have been all of it? [He's not mad he's just disapp--- no, he's both disappointed and mad.]

Because every time I closed my eyes I could see them hurting you. I couldn't... [He stops, forcing himself to swallow his emotions.]

I couldn't stomach it anymore.

There are other ways to deal with that, Knives. Killing them is not the answer. [Some of his anger drains away when he hears that. It wasn't hard to believe that their day on display would still be haunting his brother, but it's clear Vash is still very angry.]

Are you still seeing your therapist? Did you even try talking to him?

Edited Date: 2020-09-23 01:13 am (UTC)

[Knives is pretty sure Hannibal won't be the help that Vash assumes he will be, but also it hadn't really occurred to him to seek that kind of help. He had made up his mind the best way to solve the tormet of those memories was to kill the humans responsbile.

And it had worked. He had finally slept well and felt so much better after they were dead.

He realizes he can't say that to Vash, though.]

No. [He says, after a moment. He manages to look away from Vash and seems sincerely regretful for a moment.

The only thing he actually regrets is how upset Vash is now.]

Do you think that's what I should have done? Talked to him? Or to you?

YES! [Opps. That might have sounded a bit too angry. He tries again.] Yes, of course that is one of a million different things you should have done instead turning to murder and violence! [Nope, still incredibly angry.]

[Knives is quiet for a moment, letting Vash's emotions wash over him.]

Okay.

[For a long time Vash is quiet. He's so angry and so utterly disappointed. He's been trying to defend Knives to people for so long. Thinking Knives really was changing only to be shown that he was so very wrong.]

Do you really not see why? Why just killing them is wrong and for more than just because of how it hurts me? Those people that you killed also have family. They also have people that care about them that are now hurting because of your actions. Do you not see how your actions hurt more than just those that you kill?

[Knives does know that people will be hurt by those actions, he just can't bring himself to care. He still knows that he can't say that to Vash.]

I'll try to be more considerate of that in the future...

Besides, as long as we're contracted it won't happen again.

How am I ever supposed to trust you again without it? [Which might be what hurts him the most at this moment. Is the fact that he doesn't think he can answer that question.]

I don't have a reason to hurt anyone else.

And why should I believe that? And what about tomorrow? Or the day after that? How can I believe those words?

I don't want to hurt people randomly, anymore.

[That makes him feel weak and stupid. His jaw tightens.] I didn't have the urge to kill everyone to get to the few who hurt you. My rage isn't widespread, anymore.

You honestly can't see how that's different?

That is different. [He will admit to that. It's not perfect like he wants it to be, but it is different.] But you still lied to me, Knives. You tried to lead me into believing you weren't contracting with me for good reasons.