Knives... you-- you... [He's angry. Angry and upset. He feels played. Lied to. The voices of everyone telling him not to trust Knives ecchoing in his head. He should have listened to them.] You bastard. How could you? How could you!?
[Knives doesn't like how he feels watching Vash so upset. It used to be annoying and frustrating, but now it makes his chest ache uncomfortably.
He almost thinks he should apologize, but that wouldn't do anything to change what happened. He also hates that Vash would make him feel that way over taking out rapists. He crosses his arms over his chest and grips onto them tightly.]
How could they? [He counters instead of admitting the mixed feelings in his chest.]
Because this is the system that they live and grew up in! We need to fix that first! It's a terrible system that needs to be changed. Killing people isn't how we're going to get that done!
Even if that tree was one of our sisters? Or me? Is that really how you feel? You should never give up on someone. They can always change. [Otherwise he would have given up on his brother long ago.]
I don't know what I'm angrier about. The fact that you killed those people or that you lied to me about it. You said that you weren't contracting with me to make sure you were doing it for the right reasons and to focus on helping Legato become a better person. Was any of that real? [Not that Vash is sure he will believe it even if Knives says some of it was true.]
There are other ways to deal with that, Knives. Killing them is not the answer. [Some of his anger drains away when he hears that. It wasn't hard to believe that their day on display would still be haunting his brother, but it's clear Vash is still very angry.]
Are you still seeing your therapist? Did you even try talking to him?
[Knives is pretty sure Hannibal won't be the help that Vash assumes he will be, but also it hadn't really occurred to him to seek that kind of help. He had made up his mind the best way to solve the tormet of those memories was to kill the humans responsbile.
And it had worked. He had finally slept well and felt so much better after they were dead.
He realizes he can't say that to Vash, though.]
No. [He says, after a moment. He manages to look away from Vash and seems sincerely regretful for a moment.
The only thing he actually regrets is how upset Vash is now.]
Do you think that's what I should have done? Talked to him? Or to you?
YES! [Opps. That might have sounded a bit too angry. He tries again.] Yes, of course that is one of a million different things you should have done instead turning to murder and violence! [Nope, still incredibly angry.]
[For a long time Vash is quiet. He's so angry and so utterly disappointed. He's been trying to defend Knives to people for so long. Thinking Knives really was changing only to be shown that he was so very wrong.]
Do you really not see why? Why just killing them is wrong and for more than just because of how it hurts me? Those people that you killed also have family. They also have people that care about them that are now hurting because of your actions. Do you not see how your actions hurt more than just those that you kill?
How am I ever supposed to trust you again without it? [Which might be what hurts him the most at this moment. Is the fact that he doesn't think he can answer that question.]
[That makes him feel weak and stupid. His jaw tightens.] I didn't have the urge to kill everyone to get to the few who hurt you. My rage isn't widespread, anymore.
That is different. [He will admit to that. It's not perfect like he wants it to be, but it is different.] But you still lied to me, Knives. You tried to lead me into believing you weren't contracting with me for good reasons.
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No. It's not a lie. I have changed.
And I hate it. This would be so much easier if I could kill everyone.
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He almost thinks he should apologize, but that wouldn't do anything to change what happened. He also hates that Vash would make him feel that way over taking out rapists. He crosses his arms over his chest and grips onto them tightly.]
How could they? [He counters instead of admitting the mixed feelings in his chest.]
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He remembers thinking that Vash was too far gone to heal and attempting to absorb him instead, but that logic seems so faulty and broken now.]
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I couldn't stomach it anymore.
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Are you still seeing your therapist? Did you even try talking to him?
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And it had worked. He had finally slept well and felt so much better after they were dead.
He realizes he can't say that to Vash, though.]
No. [He says, after a moment. He manages to look away from Vash and seems sincerely regretful for a moment.
The only thing he actually regrets is how upset Vash is now.]
Do you think that's what I should have done? Talked to him? Or to you?
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Okay.
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Do you really not see why? Why just killing them is wrong and for more than just because of how it hurts me? Those people that you killed also have family. They also have people that care about them that are now hurting because of your actions. Do you not see how your actions hurt more than just those that you kill?
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I'll try to be more considerate of that in the future...
Besides, as long as we're contracted it won't happen again.
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[That makes him feel weak and stupid. His jaw tightens.] I didn't have the urge to kill everyone to get to the few who hurt you. My rage isn't widespread, anymore.
You honestly can't see how that's different?
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Difficult. Harder than I expected. [He frowns, realizing he said that aloud and he isn't sure how Vash will react to it.]
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